red flags in waves
by dianna44
Summary: rin remembers things he wishes he didn't & haru just wants to help him {warnings for: attempted suicide, past child abuse, & depression}


rin's father died when he was very young. too young to really cry over his death, but old enough to remember him. he remembers his father, and sometimes, he wishes he didn't.

he really really really

wishes he could forget that man.

forget all about him.

forever and forever and forever.

* * *

Haru is a little different. Not different in the sort of way where he's a loner (well, he is), not different in the sort of way where he sometimes wants to drown his thoughts and choke in a pool (he does), not different in the sort of way where he likes boys instead of girls (apparently people are more accepting about that, and Haru appreciates that).

No, he's different in that he has a magical ability according to some, and a curse, according to himself and even other some.

Tragic tragic tragic is the magic magic magic.

That's what his mom used to whisper to him when he felt too overwhelmed with the feelings of others and too out of sync with his own. That's the scariest part of this whole ordeal.

The fact he can easily lose himself while absorbing others' emotions. The way he could fall down down down and never be able to come back up.

That's the scariest part of it all, and yet, he can't stop it. He can make it Less. He can make it go away for a few seconds, but besides that, he has no control.

He has absolutely no control over anything.

Not even his own emotions, it seems.

* * *

rin thinks his mother hates him. maybe hate is too strong of a word. is tired of him, most definitely. even his sister, despite her constant reminders that she _loves_ him, is probably so so tired of him.

rin is tired of himself. rin is tired. so so fucking tired all of the time, and he just wishes he could forget everything.

everything please let him forget it all please please please.

nothing.

it's silent.

rin wants to scream, but he wants to kill himself more.

* * *

Haru is eighteen now, and it's supposed to be his last year with his mother, but she's too scared to let him out in the world alone. She's too scared for him. She has magical powers too. She says it's something that runs in their family passed down from generations from generations.

Each generation is something different. Her power is " _fate-writing_ ". She's explained it to him many times, and Haru knows when he gets home, she'll write him his story. A vague summary of his story at least. It was what he promised him all of those years ago.

" _The red string of fate_ " is what she'd always say to him when Haru questioned anything.

Haru has yet to know what that even means.

Most of her emotions include love.

It's a nice feeling.

* * *

"rin, could you stop by the store and pick up some eggs?"

"okay."

* * *

"I've written it all down for you, baby. A long time ago, I wrote this down. It came to me as soon as I held you in my arms for the first time, sweetie. I held you, and I could see. Read it on your way to the store, okay, baby?"

"Mackerel tonight, right?"

She smiles at him. "Yes. Try not to let them consume you, Haruka."

He means the emotions. He manages a smile back, and takes the folded up paper from her.

"Thank you, Mom."

* * *

the walk to the store is a short one. but it's cold outside, and rin thinks it will rain again soon. of course it will. it's june.

he avoids The Area, and goes down his usual path that could seem unusual to others.

just like rin.

so so very unusual.

rin is trying to be everywhere, but he can barely even manage to be nowhere.

* * *

 _a red string of fate, we must start,_ Haru begins.

* * *

rin walks slower than usual today. he doesn't concern himself with the trouble of possibly wondering why.

* * *

 _this concerns matters that only concern the heart_

 _my son, the darling of the sea,_

 _you come across another,_

 _a troubled soul of broken leaves_

Haru notices it's about to rain.

* * *

rin wants to die sometimes.

* * *

Haru looks up to the sky. Pain is near.

 _a bright star diminished by hands_

 _find the one who tries and be the one who ran_

 _for the future of you is only set in a single path so wide_

 _keep going, keep going, you'll see hatred, hatred, suicide_

Pain pain pain hits Haru, and Haru doesn't want to be alive either.

* * *

rin is almost to the store, but he turns to the left instead. he knows to the left is a bridge. a bridge over a ditch. kids used to dare other kids to go there. he's been there before. on days like these. he walks faster this time.

purpose purpose purpose.

* * *

Haru has to do something. He needs to do something. He can't pinpoint the pain exactly. He remembers his mother's constant reminders to not let other peoples' emotions overcome him, but if he doesn't, something horrible, god so fucking horrible, will happen he can't let that happen make it all stop, please.

Haru starts to run.

 _drink in the purpose of another,_

 _find the leaves of the summer,_

 _you'll be a shining galaxy in a world of pain, haru, dear,_

 _so so very very near near near_

* * *

when rin gets there, he remembers his father again. fuck, does he ever _forget_ him? will he ever be able to forget such a monster monster monster MONSTER.

his head is swimming with all the capability he knows he could have, all the life he knows he could live, all the pain he knows he could overcome, but he grasps onto the ledge of the bridge over the ditch and rationalizes that this will help him forget.

* * *

Haru runs and runs and runs, and suddenly, he feels so much pain and so much agony, and he can't help but let it in. Take it away from the poor soul who is feeling this. Take it away let them have a moment to breathe.

It overwhelms him for a moment, and he's crying now, but he knows the other isn't anymore, feels better already, feels like they could live now, and Haru wants to cry in relief, but he also wants to put a gun to his head and shoot.

He keeps running. He can't stop. Sometimes, no matter how much pain he takes, sometimes it isn't enough.

He has to make sure. Please please please please please _please_.

 _a bridge of decisions on a quest for a mother,_

 _make contact, build your own bridge, all for another,_

 _this isn't much for an 18_ _th_ _,_

 _especially since fate works in a way so obscene_

* * *

it's raining now.

rin has collapsed against himself as his father leaves his mind in a whirlwind of escape. he breathes in

out

in

out

in

out

in

he is still alive, and he looks up at the sound of footsteps.

it's a boy.

* * *

Haru sees a bridge against the rain, and he sees a boy, with flaming hair who is drawn in on himself.

Haru sees a boy, and he sees something else, and Haru wants to cry for this boy whose father ruined his life. Haru wants to scream for this boy whose hated himself and so many others and mainly his father so many years. Haru wants to do so much for this boy, and he walks closer and closer, wishing the pain would stop.

Wishing he could take the pain away forever. Haru can't do that, however, and he feels the emotions slowly return to the boy, who starts to scream in response.

His screams pierce the rain and make hurricanes. His screams mean everything all at once, and now, Haru is here for this boy.

He is here.

 _red string of fate tied to the blue lovely mind_

 _convincing him of all of life_

 _or the other side_

 _up to him alone, realize this,_

 _but up to you, what you list_

* * *

"mackerel," the boy says. rin looks at him, surprised and fearful. the boy just continues. "sunsets and sunrises. hugs. new shoes. pools. eating really amazing food."

"w-what are you doing?" rin asks.

the boy smiles and it seems a bit heartbroken, and then he leans down to hug rin. rin collapses against him with no thoughts to stop him. the boy hugs him tighter.

"accomplishing small things. laughter. getting drunk for the first time. making stupid mistakes, but knowing those close to you still love you," the boy whispers, and rin is so so stupid and crying crying crying.

"cute animals. showing important things to people you love and them loving it. ice-cream on hot days. hot chocolate on cold days. really comfortable pillows. soft blankets. halloween."

rin can't stop fucking crying, and this boy feels so warm against him. so safe. home home home home home.

"your mother kissing you on the cheek and telling you she loves you. your sister talking about you in a loving way. family that loves you. kittens. snowball fights. lazy days in."

who is this boy who is this boy who is this boy why does he already mean everything?

"seeing new places. moving forward in life. a cold drink of water after a long day. birthdays. friends. really shitty anime that you love anyway."

rin laughs against the boy's chest, tears mixing in with the rain. he doesn't want to let go.

"love. kindness. heartwarming actions from those who love you and who will come to love you. hugs like this where you can be yourself without judgment. music and movies that change your life."

rin peels himself away from the boy, and studies the bright blue eyes and the dark hair. opposites.

"i'm haru," the boy, haru, says.

"rin," he says.

haru nods.

"nice to meet you, rin."

"thank you, haru."

"let's go dry off?" haru suggests. rin takes his hand, and nods.

"yeah."

* * *

 _he'll be your sorrow_

 _your worry_

 _your lovely_

 _your ache, hurt, and sorry_

 _your drink of water after a long day_

 _your hug where you can be yourself_

 _your love, kindness, hope_

 _and the red string of fate_

 _has tied itself_

 _curled, coiled, and tightened itself against_

 _the flames and the rain_

 _dear haru,_

 _i am so happy for you._

 _live and love on together_

 _forever._

* * *

 ** _idk. stay alive. all the love. originally written for rinharu week but i'm really impatient. written for day 3 prompt "magic". rin in all lowercase to show his vulnerability. haru in correct grammar form._**

 ** _much love. thanks for sticking with this loser._**

 ** _-DiAnna44_**

 _my tumblr- iwannapandanamedchubs  
_

 _my rinharu tumblr- literallynothingbutrinharu_


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